Hello God! I have questions for you…

God, I have an urge to ask and need to question!

Who is God? What is God? Where is God? How is God God? When did God happen? How am I related to God? Is there a relationship between me and God?

In my previous article Thank you 42, I noted that I do not know where I came from and where I will be going after this life. This statement still holds true today.

My relationship and understanding of God has been taught to me through my religion. I seem to struggle with this fact, because my gut suggests, there's supposed to be a more natural relationship between God and I.

"Natural relationship?" Let me break it down for you. Do you remember how you started walking? I don’t remember how I started walking but there was a natural progression, from being completely immobile and helpless to progressively developing strength to kick, trying to stand with some help, crawling, and eventually standing and taking first unaided steps. The excitement of the first steps, walking like a complete drunk about to dive into a trench to eventually knowing how to steadily walk, run, and jump without even thinking about it. Of course, along the way, there were teachers/helpers.

If my understanding of God requires both nature and a teacher/helper, then naturally I am still questioning and I am concerned about my teachers/helpers about God. I am actually wondering if we are both still wondering and trying to figure out who God is.

Do you believe in God or do you believe there's a God? I have been asked this question several times too. Before I answer such a question, I study and profile the person asking, I sometime could tell, great judgement awaits the words that will come out of my mouth as they eagerly wait for my answer. The truth is, depending on the person asking, my answer is usually crafted on the go, and I apply the best of my ability to bullshit with speech, graced to me at the moment.

If I am to be genuine with myself, I do not yet have an ORIGiNAL definition or understanding of who God is to ME other than what I have been taught of God, predominantly presented as a male figure, although of late some have referred to God as a SHE - you know who. Does GOD being a he/she make a difference?

I have been made aware through science of how I physically came about. I am grateful to have known who my Mum and Dad are. Beyond the physical, the spiritual part of me it is a myth.

As an adult, I have come to learn and be conscious of my deep inner self; the way I think, the way I feel, and the way I do things. It is like a being within my human self. But what/who is this inner being? Who am I and how did I get to being who I am?

At some point I thought, what if God is the "air" I breathe? Air brings life. I am taught that God is omnipresent. Omnipresent equals the air I breathe, right?. But this adds to my confusion, is the air I breathe life or God? Maybe life itself is God.

But if life is God or God is life, why separate the two? Should I praise, worship, or revere life? But also, if air is life, shouldn't I praise, worship, or revere the air I breathe?

When the body can not sustain itself due to lack of "air" inside our system, we basically die. Sometimes, not entirely, but the lack of air in our bodies for prolonged periods of time can lead to irreversible effects that could significantly impact how we live life afterwards. If a patient is being put on lifesupport machine, "being pumped with air", I wonder if this means God "the air we breathe" can be put in a container and forced into our bodies to give us life even when he/she doesn’t want to?

Actually, is the brain God then? Since without a functioning brain...

Is God within me or without? Is God where I came from, where I am, or where I am going? Should I even bother to try and understand whether there's God or not?

For me, a crucial part of my transcending is to better understand where I came from, beyond being a mere cell, and where I am going after all the cells in my body die. If this mystery is blocked or blacked out from awareness, is it for a good reason?

For now, my life, as I know it, is centred around the quality of my relationships with other human beings I encounter and the coincidence and events brought about by life.

I still do feel defeated sometimes when I need help. In my human ways, I have learnt how to ask for help from my parents, family, friends, and sometimes even strangers - yet not always so perfectly or successful. I am taught to "leave to God" or ask for help from God, but my struggle here becomes more painful because I do not have an understanding of who God really is and how to ask for the help I need. So, how do I ask for help from God, the "unknown" to me?

I am back in a circle asking again for God to reveal himself/herself to me, for me to better understand him/her/them. How long is this mystery supposed to last? What is original and natural about this mystery?

What is God's job in my life? What authority does she/he have?

If I know the role and authority of governments, states, institutions like the police force, head of a household, clan elders, etc, and the rules of the game, what about God? Why is it a mystery? Again, maybe there’s nothing for me to know other than just BEING.

I know I wrote no “buts” in trusting the Universe, but I still don’t like the empty feeling of prayer, particularly not knowing where it is going - did it turn left, run out of fuel, or go straight to... i don’t know where. Some suggest humming, but when I humm, I also don’t know what this means.

Some suggest God is a higher being. What does that even mean? Taller, stronger, bigger in size, smarter?

A blast from the past says, when our ancestors prayed, the God(s) of our ancestors used to answer prayers in ways that were vivid and understood by them e.g., bringing rains in times of prolonged drought. But the new God doesn’t seem to know what to do with climate change, or is it that we do know how to repent and pray to God to reverse the effects of climate change? What is interesting is that, with all the big religions and millions of followers, one would think there are more people praying in unison to the new God. But equally, there seems to be little positive results - is it a paradox of quality vs. quantity?

So, who is God really? Should we have a natural and personal relationship with God that is not taught just like breathing or do we need to be taught about God, like sit in a classroom and those who pass and depending on the pass mark get to know God and those who fail are doomed to never have an encounter or know God?

What is your definition or insight of who God is?