No "buts" in learning to trust the Universe

I will have an incredible day - I said to myself in the morning! She, the universe, then says, it is done.

But during the day, my simple mind, with the help of 1,000 voices in my head, still try to be in control. The universe has it in control - let go and allow the universe to do what you have asked her and needs to do for you at the right time.

When I am uncertain of the timing of the universe - which is more than often, my timing takes control and it usually manifests in worrying and feelings of despair, loss of hope, hurt, frustration etc. I am now learning, these feelings are a product of me trying to be in control of situations that I am not adequately equipped and do not have control over, especially, if I have already prayed and asked for help on the same from the universe.

When I get impatient that my prayers have not been answered and manifested, I start fabricating my current reality as the answer to my prayer. This just gets me even more uncomfortable, because I anticipated something different, again I go into a loop of maybe the prayer has not been answered or maybe it has been answered but I don't like the answer, maybe the universe didn't hear me or understand what I asked for... wait, my head is spinning. At this point, it feels like I am trying to retrieve the initial prayer, to do some patch work on it, adding doubt, lack of faith, frustration, impatience, etc.. and sending it back to the universe. I would think this would no longer be the purest form of prayer.

Imagine if our prayers needed to travel a long distance to be delivered. By recalling prayers, all one has done is to delay the delivery journey. But, what if, given the instant nature of the universe, the initial prayer would have been delivered, answered, and an appropriate time set for the answer to manifest? This would mean, sending more "patchworked" prayers, wouldn't necessarily change the answer to the initial prayer, but a new answer will be given, probably "patchworked" too, spiced with confusion, doubt and lack of clarity. This will also be added to the queue of answers waiting to be manifested at the appropriate time the universe wishes so.

But how specific should be my request, ask, wish "prayer"?

Rather than praying without clarity or purity of the ask, maybe we need to learn when to say a prayer - finding that "sweet spot" of genuinely surrendering. Also, learn how to improve the quality of our prayers to get answers that make sense to us - I mean, if we do not have clarity of what we are asking for, any answer we receive, whether we acknowledge it, happy or not happy with it, is still an answer, and that is even if we didn't notice that we have already been answered.

What I would still grapple with is, regardless of the purity of the ask, what is the marking criteria for the quality of the answer? What if the universe makes some adjustments to our asks so as to fit what she perceives as exactly what we need and not otherwise. Where is the mediation room to have negotiations between us and the universe? Why doesn't the universe also notify me when it has received my ask, prayer, wish, and tell me what the answer is and when I should expect it to manifest? You know, just like the shameless two blue ticks on WhatsApp? I know you saw it... oops.

But the most difficult and important part is to remember that, once a prayer has been said, believe and have trust in the universe, do not bother about it by trying to do some patch work on the prayer. Yoh! This is an amazing realisation. The universe always comes through.

When? is a mystery. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when he said, "the day of the Lord comes like a thief in the night", i.e., "unexpectedly." But how should I be prepared without thinking about it? Yet by thinking about it, I am not trusting? But also, when and how many times should I really pray, ask, or wish for the same issue?

When the answer comes, should I be excited? Show gratitude? Or display serious disappointment if it didn't meet my expectations? Can the universe see my reaction and my measure of happiness, appreciation, or disappointment? Does it send back feedback to the source? What does the source do with the feedback? Who is really the source that gives the answers?

Indeed, it was an incredible day!